New York, New York – On Tuesday, two werewolves were injured at a Trader Joe’s supermarket in Manhattan after a skirmish involving free samples, according to an NYPD spokesperson.
“Two hungry werewolves waiting for free samples. Only one left. You do the math,” the spokesperson told reporters, adding:
“And it was those delicious Glazed Tuscan Peach Slices, so of course there was going to be trouble…”
Eyewitnesses tell WereWatchers that the incident occurred at approximately 6 p.m., in Trader Joe’s busy Flatiron store. The horde of ravenous yuppie shoppers had outpaced the staff’s ability to put out samples, and by the time the two werewolves in question reached the samples counter, there was only one left.
Both Claim Free Sample ‘Had Their Name Written All Over It’
A staff member encouraged the two werewolves to share the sample while more were being prepared, but each insisted that the sample “had my name written all over it.”
“What followed was a chaotic scene of fur, blood, yogurt, and shredded peaches. The werewolves were finally subdued by heroic Trader Joe’s employees brandishing their signature wooden paddles,” the NYPD spokesperson explained.
“The werewolves sustained minor injuries. Yet, tragically, the sample of Glazed Tuscan Peach Slices did not survive the incident.”
Trader Joe’s had no comment on the matter, except to release a brief statement to the public:
“Until further notice, werewolves are banned from all samples counters. They didn’t just let themselves down. They let Trader Joe down.”