Santa Cruz, California – On Wednesday, Nature magazine released a study by researchers at U.C. Santa Cruz claiming that the moon is in fact not a perfect sphere, due largely to tidal effects acting early in the moon’s history.
Instead of a sphere shape, scientists claim that the moon is shaped more like…a lemon.
And almost immediately, lycanthropes rushed to the defense of their favorite celestial object.
When Scientists Give You Lemons, Throw Said Lemons At Them
“The idea that the moon is in some way not perfect is ludicrous,” a lycan astronomer from Geneva told WereWatchers. “It’s perfect and beautiful to us werewolves.”
Another werewolf working at a telescope in Chile added: “To say it looks like a fruit that connotes ‘bad product’ in many cultures is offensive. Their study is the real lemon here.”
Werewolves provided no actual scientific proof for their claims, instead pointing to the researchers’ questionable attitude:
“Who really looks up at the moon and says, ‘gee, what citrus fruit is that shaped like?’” asked one werewolf reader.
“Maybe it’s the fact that the UCSC mascot is a banana slug. That could be depressing for anyone. They are probably a bunch of Debbie Downers, looking up at our beautiful moon and trying to think of negative things to say. We werewolves are by nature very upbeat. To us, the moon is never half full. It’s always full.”
“And I just wish those banana slug-loving, moon-hating scientists could learn to have the same constructive outlook.”