Cupertino, California – Over the weekend, news sites were plastered with stories of Swift’s take-no-prisoners talking-to of Apple Music. But WereWatchers has learned that there was even more to the story.
We previously reported on Apple CEO Tim Cook’s secret obsession with werewolf Polka music. Now, we have learned that these lycan polka artists are now leveraging this fondness to stand up for independent music artists…and insanely popular music star Taylor Swift.
A Swift confidant told WereWatchers that the singer had been binge-viewing the classic mob film Goodfellas on Saturday night, which got her worked up into a ‘f.u., pay me’ mood.
“I told Taylor she shouldn’t watch Scorsese before going to bed. He just gets into your head.”
Then, Sunday morning, Swift fired off a stern warning to Apple, vowing to withhold her album 1989 from their new music service due to her unhappiness with the three-month free trial offer with no pay to music artists announced by Apple recently.
“Three months is a long time to go unpaid, and it is unfair to ask anyone to work for nothing. I say this with love, reverence, and admiration for everything else Apple has done,” wrote Swift, adding in a footnote. “Btw, if you wanna know the REAL subtext of this letter, think of that quote from Goodfellas regarding non-payment. Remember it now? Gr8! Thx!”
Werewolf Polka Track: “Lycans Likin’ Polka”
Werewolves Can’t Shake It Off
Yet when Apple did not respond within minutes of the letter being posted, werewolf polka musicians, who are also notoriously avid Taylor Swift fans, decided to step up.
“Before the original Apple Music announcement, we in the lycan polka community thought that we had a real connection with Tim (Cook). When we heard about it, there were more than a few teardrops on my guitar,” musician DJ LycoPolka of Chicago told WerWatchers.
“But Apple not responding to our Tay Tay was the last straw. We had to act. No matter what T-Swizzle tells us, we couldn’t just… shake it off.”
Early Sunday morning the Apple executive team received a strongly-worded statement titled “We Are Never Getting Back Together” from the perturbed werewolves, threatening to withdraw all werewolf polka music from Apple Music and the iTunes Store.
Apple Beats Gets Swift Beatdown
While many Apple executives laughed off the threat, an Apple insider describes CEO Cook as being deeply shaken, quoting the normally calm and collected Cook as saying:
“Without werewolf polka, Apple Music will feel empty. Meaningless, even. Give those lycanthrope extortionists whatever they want, damn it,” Cook allegedly demanded. “And I guess give the same to Ms. Taylor What’s-her-face!”
Shortly after, Apple media boss Eddy Cue tweeted a hasty reversal of the policy:
“We hear you @taylorswift13 and indie artists. Love, Apple.”
Later in the day Swift responded, “I am elated and relieved. Thank you for your words of support today. They listened to my offer they couldn’t refuse.”
Later her publicist issued a corrected version, modifying the last sentence to “They listened to us!”
WereWatchers asked her werewolf polka musician supporters if they felt snubbed by Cue failing to mention them. Based on our interviews, it appears that they are willing to forgive. As one Swift-loving, polka-creating werewolf blogger put it:
“Today was… a fairytale. We have shaken it off.”