Hunter Furious Over Werewolf Boat Theft

Pungo, Virginia – Local duck hunting enthusiast Roger Furyk reported to police yesterday that his prized Otter Outdoors Stealth 2000 hunting boat was stolen after 12 midnight on Saturday night from a remote boat launch in Pungo.

Lycan involvement is suspected.

 

“Like Losing a Baby”

“It was like losing a baby,” Furyk told WereWatchers during a phone interview yesterday, choking back tears, “a 100 pound, 12 foot long baby, with a foam padded dog platform and twin gun racks.”

Furyk told police that he was preparing his Stealth for an early morning hunting excursion late Saturday night when he found a case of beer strategically placed near the launch. Assuming it was a gift from a fellow duck hunter, he consumed “a good percentage” of the beer, after which he reported feeling groggy and decided to take a nap in the bed of his truck.

The boat theft appears to have occurred between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. Sunday morning.WereWatchers - Furious Furyk - Tracks

“There I was, minding my own damn business in the back of my truck when I woke up to the sound of a howl down near the water. Just assumed it was a Labrador admiring my boat. That happens when a pure bread hunting animal sees an impressive water vehicle such as mine,” Furyk explained to WereWatchers.

 

Clepto-zoology?

“Been hearing stories about thieving werewolves since my days as a golf caddy. Someone would leave their golf bag out during a full moon and the next morning we’d find balls on the course spelling out weird stuff like “Were was here” or something, and the rest of the equipment stolen. Folks said werewolves were to blame, but I never believed it myself. Until now.”

We asked Furyk what turned him from skeptic to believer.WereWatchers - Furious Furyk - Empty

“When I got up and went down to the water, there was nothing. No boat. No decoys. Nothing but the words ‘Were’s ur boat? Ha ha.’ written in the sand,” Furyk explained, with palpable annoyance.

“Do the math. Mysterious alcoholic beverages. Full moon. Petty theft. Strategically misspelled graffiti. Has werewolf paw prints written all over it.”

Furyk pointed out to us some very convincing indentations in the sand by the ocean nearby, which matched the approximate size of generally accepted werewolf paw diameter.

We asked Furyk if he thought he’d get the boat back, and he seemed resigned to life without it.

“Not a chance. They wouldn’t know what to do with such a sophisticated watercraft. Probably gonna sell it and buy Purina,” he replied. “Werewolves are total dicks, if you ask me.”