Valentine’s Advice: Coping With Bad Werewolf Serenading

It’s no secret that, despite their gruff, neighbor-devouring exterior, werewolves are hopeless romantics and Valentine’s Day is one of the biggest days of the year for most.

“For lycans, it’s like Christmas,” says our dating editor, “except hooking up has nothing to with tree lights.”

And as anyone who has smitten a werewolf heart knows, lycans love to display their love through singing. Every Valentine’s Day, amorous lycans appear below windows across America to serenade their object of affection.


Howl Anything
As Shirley, an attorney from Shreveport who’s been dating a werewolf for three years, explained to WereWatchers: “Werewolves can dance, play the ukulele, show their stuff in a million ways, but they can’t sing to save their lives.”

“So when my honey-badger kneels down during  a candlelight dinner at some fancy restaurant and starts singing Marvin Gaye to me, the other girls are not exactly jealous. I mean, in some cases, they don’t even know he’s singing. They think he’s sick.”

When asked to elaborate, readers with lycan lovers gave us many colorful descriptions, such as: “Have you ever wondered what a humpback whale would sound like if he ate too many Taco Bell burritos? Well, wonder no longer. Just have a werewolf sing for you.”


May Hear Them, But They Don’t Hear You

“You know that song that says ‘sometimes love don’t feel like it should’? Well sometimes love don’t sound like it should either,” explained our dating editor.

“However nicely you ask them to stop, they’ll just think you’re playing hard to get and just sing more.”

So what about just being honest?

“We all know how werewolves don’t take criticism  well. Try to imply a werewolf is not a lycan Bruno Mars and you’re as good as dead. Our advice is to grin and bear it…and buy lots of earplugs.”