Austin, Texas – The Film & Interactive sections of SXSW got off to an awkward start on Friday, when the Film / Interactive Taco Meet Up was marred by a group of impatient werewolf techies.
According to police, the popular kick-off event was going well until the food tables started to run low on tacos. When they were told that it may take up to 15 minutes for staffers to replenish the taco supply, a small group of werewolves, many of whom had just arrived at the conference, rushed the food tables to grab the few remaining tacos, which in turn led to brawls over who got the last taco.
As a werewolf techie from Palo Alto explained: “Organizers finally allowed us to have an unofficial “Were-able Tech” section this year, so there’s a lot of lycan techies who came to Austin this year. And when you put a lot of hungry, fresh-off-the-plane werewolves around a table full of tacos, you’re asking for trouble.
“I really blame the organizers for not being more sensitive to our werewolves’ needs.
“Okay, let’s be real,” responded an official from SXSW. “It’s usually safe to assume that attendees will eat 2, 3, maybe 4 tpp (tacos per person). How the Hell were we supposed to know there’d be a, um, certain contingent that would average 20-25 tpp, or perhaps I should say 20-25 tpp (tacos per lycan)? Someone needs to learn some table manners. Just sayin’.”
One werewolf involved, who asked to not be identified, defended his actions: “Yeah, okay, I probably shouldn’t have bitten that guys arm because he was eating the last taco. But, listen, I’ve been doing the Soylent thing for the last month. I’m not myself. They put tacos in front of me, I just can’t say no.”
Jane, a web designer from Virginia Beach, was shaken up by the scene: “It was more traumatic than an episode of Game of Thrones. Really. One minute, everyone’s in line bragging about their iWatch pre-order. The next minute, these howling monsters descend on the food tables. There were piles of fur and blood and tortillas mixed with tattered lanyards and tote bags. And worse, those lycan assholes didn’t leave any tacos for the rest of us.”
Police say that no one was seriously injured in the incident. SXSW organizers would not confirm rumors that the werewolves involved would have their official Gold Passes replaced with customized “Copper Passes.”