Mall of America, Minnesota – Now that America has survived another round of post-Thanksgiving shopping days, like Black Friday, Small Business Sunday, and Cyber Monday, one group of shoppers is left feeling short-changed.
In an open letter to key retailers, including Walmart, Macy’s, Target, and Spencer’s, lycan shoppers called for an officially sanctioned day in honor of werewolves’ contribution to the consumer economy, especially hair products. The letter was sent earlier today, but dated as “The First Werewolf Wednesday.”
“Let’s face it, werewolves have carried hairspray and shampoo brands ever since the Great Hair Product Depression of the late 1980’s, when Glam Metal went out of vogue,” a lycan fashion blogger told WereWatchers. “Retailers love all the cash we werewolves spend, but when it comes to showing a little grat, they go all limp-noodled.”
“And if you say it a few times, Werewolf Wednesday just rolls off the tongue. Not like some other invented shopping holidays. Talking to you, ‘Small Business Saturday.’ What public school graduate came up with that name?”
As we went to press, none of the retailers have responded to the letter, or shown any interest a werewolf discount day.
When asked if they would stop buying hair products in protest, most werewolves we spoke with hedged their bets.
“Slow down, now, let’s not be hasty. We werewolves like discounts, but we like looking good even more.”