Zurich, Switzerland – The widening FIFA bribery scandal got a little wider with the breaking news by WereWatchers that the FBI plans to indict one or more werewolves in Russia on charges of bribery, extortion, and intent to commit soccer hooliganism.
An FBI investigator told WereWatchers, “The hits keep coming with this FIFA corruption case. First, when we went to arrest those guys in Switzerland this week, they demanded a bribe for us to be able to handcuff them.”
“Now, we discover that the scandal even involves werewolves. Is no one immune?”
According to the investigator, a group of wealthy werewolves in Moscow attempted to pay off senior officials at FIFA to influence the schedule of the upcoming 2018 World Cup in Russia.
Full Moon Thinking
“Specifically, they wanted the officials to schedule as many matches as possible during the full moon. Apparently they ‘feel much more virile and energetic’ then. But we don’t care.
WereWatchers contacted one of the werewolf suspects for comment, and got a surprisingly frank response:
“Listen, no werewolf soccer fan in his or her right mind is going to go to Qatar in 2022. With all that damn sun and heat plus our fur, we’ll probably go burst into flames before the first match starts.
“So we gotta see as many matches as we can in 2018. Really, is that so wrong?”