Beijing, China – Werewolves around the world unfortunate enough not to live in a country that observes a lunar calendar are feeling the collective heat from their Chinese counterparts this Thursday. Otherwise known as Chinese New Year.
With the moon being such an inherent part of werewolf identity, werewolves from Shanghai to San Francisco Chinatown take more than a little pride in having a lunar calendar when the holiday rolls around each year.
And werewolves are notorious smack-talkers, tending to reserve their most choice words for fellow lycans, so whenever the new year rolls around, the barbs fly westward.
“Oh…my…God. This time of year, my werewolf bros in China turn into, well…real monsters. They just won’t shut up about having a lunar calendar.”
As another lycan put it, “They go on and on with ‘So where’s your lunar calendar? Oh, I forgot, you guys don’t have one…’ and shit like that. Same joke every year. It never seems to get old.”
“Okay, of course, we werewolves in the West are envious about the lunar calendar thing. But do they really have to be such dicks about it?”
When asked directly about the issue, the Sino-Lycan Culture Society in Hong Kong sent a simple three word reply:
Werewolves In Sheep’s Clothing
This year, some thought the ribbing might be more muted given that the coming year is the Year Of The Sheep. However, the Chinese werwolves we spoke with seemed unfettered by the association with such an un-wolflike animal as the sheep.
“Good point,” one explained thoughtfully. “Not only do you guys lack a lunar calendar, you don’t even have years named after animals you can anthropomorphize. You’re stuck with ‘Year of the 2015.’ Laaaaame. Sucks to be you, lyco-waiguoren.”