Let’s get one thing out of the way from the start: hair and were-hair are completely different animals… Pun intended.
We don’t need to tell that to the werewolves who are reading this, right now, but it seems like we always find ourselves having to explain to normal folks just what a headache grooming is for lycans.
They think lycanthropy is all about prowling around and eating people under the full moon, when in fact some surveys indicate that werewolves spend 70-80% of full moon nights getting their were-look “just right” before going out. Yes, were-vanity is a thing.
This makes the silly questions about were-hair all the more annoying. “Do you use a dog brush before cutting your hair?” is the one that usually tops the list. Responding with “No, but your Mom does…” might be fun, but that gets old, and if you are over the age of, say, 13, it may seem a little petulant.
So here’s a go-to list of 5 Myths About Cutting Were-Hair that you can have handy next time a were-hair philistine starts talking smack.
5 Myths About Cutting Were-Hair
Myth #1: It Can’t Be Cut – Simply not true. I know people assume that since werewolves are (nearly) invincible, no single part of them can be broken or detached. That’s just bologna. As a matter of fact, if more werewolves were in the military and law enforcement, we would probably be talking about WereCrewCuts. You can cut it like you can cut anyone’s hair (and you should, as we’ll discuss later).
Myth #2: You Need Silver Scissors – Also not true. Despite the slightly thicker nature of were-hair, most sturdily built clippers will do the job for you. And if you’re holding silver scissors around a werewolf, aren’t you just tempting fate?
Myth #3: There’s No Reason to Cut It – Ignorant were-haters out there go and assume that since one is only a werewolf for a few hours a month, there’s no need to tame it. Truth is, werehair grows a couple times faster than normal human hair. And really, when you have a full-moon glinting on you all the time, who wants to look mangy? So maintenance is a must.
Myth #4: It’s No More Difficult Than Cutting Normal Hair – Let’s not go overboard. Yes, werehair can be cut and frequently is, but it’s not just a matter of going to a barbershop. For starters, there aren’t many barbershops open at the time of night most werewolves are out (though any experienced werewolf knows the ones that stay open). Also, there’s twenty times more hair to cut. Werehaircuts often go on so long that werewolves need to plan ahead to make sure it’s complete before the sun comes up and they transform back. Suffice it to say, it’s a commitment.
Myth #5: Werewolves Cut Their Hair But Don’t Style It – Now they’re just being insulting. If you get this one, you get a free pass to chew them into little pieces without guilt.