Cupertino, California – WereWatchers recently broke the story that Apple planned to release a werewolf-friendly version of its new iPhone 6, dubbed the iPhone 6W.
The phone was rumored to have a unique Snout ID technology that would allow lycans to access their smartphone with a simple touch of their were-nose to the phone’s screen. But now WereWatchers – China is reporting that the proprietary Snout ID technology among other issues has plagued, and potentially doomed, the phone with production delays.
“This can’t be happening,” a blogger from the Lycans In Tech Meetup in Silicon Valley told us upon hearing the news. “With Apple scheduling their big press event on September 9 to announce the iPhone 6 on the same day as the full moon, I was absolutely certain that the iPhone 6W was going to be announced too. It was a slam dunk.”
But our reporters in Asia tell us otherwise. Having to meet the 100% silver-free component needs of werewolves in the iPhone 6W proved too big of hurdle for even a company as production-savvy as Apple to have it ready in time for September 9, if ever.
Hope Is Alive
If the report proves to be true, it will come on the heels of other high-profile disses of werewolves by the tech world, such as the aborted launch of LinkedIn’s werewolf portal LycanedIn or Google’s non-werewolf-friendly Google Glass.
But werewolves don’t give up easily, as we learned when we interviewed werewolves who had been camping in front of the Apple Store on Chestnut Street in San Francisco for a week.
“You know who told you that?” one of them asked our reporter. “A werewolf who wants to buy an iPhone 6W before you do. Sucker.”
Another chimed in, “Listen, Tim Cook’s a Southerner, and we all know that Southerners are by far the most sympathetic of anyone to werewolves. They like our outlaw style. And Tim knows how loyal werewolves are. Just like d—”
But he chose not to finish his thought after his friends gave him a look.
Full Moon With Or Without iPhone 6W?
With no way to confirm for sure what will and will not be released by Apple tomorrow, techy lycans of the world wait with bated breath for tomorrow’s press event.