New York, New York – Werewolves have joined the ranks of New Yorkers turning their backs on Mayor Bill De Blasio, this time over the mayor’s controversial push to lift the city-wide ban on ferrets.
Werewolves were thought to be among the strongest supporters of De Blasio, well-known for his lycan-friendly, “soft on werewolves” policies. But at a public event on Thursday the mayor was surprised to see lycan supporters abruptly turn their back on him in protest. Many sported signs deriding his administration’s proposed reversal of the ferret ban, which was instituted in 1999 by insane Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who described ferret owners as “even more insane.”
Unlike other animals banned by the city, such as potbellied pigs, elephants and the much-feared Namibian hyrax, ferrets have passionate advocates who have managed to win over De Blasio. The mayor went so far as to claim that the pungent smell ferrets generate when startled will “add to the diverse variety of the city’s odors.”
Dooking It Out With De Blasio
But werewolves see the animals differently.
“Our boy Bill should know better. Lycanthropes hate, I mean, H-A-T-E ferrets,” one lycan protester told WereWatchers. “Or maybe I should say that we hate ferrets even more than the average person.”
Dooking, the sound that ferrets make when excited, is a special sore point for werewolves.
“We have the hearing of doberman pinschers, so that goddamn neurotic happy clicking sound they make just drives us nuts,” explains one lycan protester. “Why the Hell would Big Bill want to antagonize his base like this?”
But the mayor’s office assured werewolves in a statement that if ferrets got too out of line, the mayor would “go groundhog” on them, referring to the incident last Groundhog Day when he murdered an uncooperative groundhog.