Washington, D.C. – During Donald Trump’s noisy first week in office, he moved forward on some key campaign promises, including his promise to build a border wall between U.S. and Mexico. Though many of his supporters hailed the move, at least one group of Trumpkins was left confused and dismayed.
In a poll titled Werewolf Trump Voters Thought He Said ‘Mall,’ surveyors found that over 80% of werewolves who voted for Trump actually thought he wanted to build a giant shopping mall spanning the U.S.-Mexico border. (The remaining 20% thought he promised to “have a ball” along the border.)
“You must understand, werewolves are notoriously bad listeners,” a pollster explained. “And once one of them started tweeting about a 2,000 mile-long shopping mall on werewolf blogs, the idea spread like wildfire.”
Voting For “2,000-mile-long Cinnabon Smell Cloud”
Those polled had other explanations.
“We werewolves love to shop. Hair products, nail clippers, mouth wash… all the essentials,” a werewolf named Velinda from Houston said. “I was pumped when I heard Trump wanted to build a super enormous mall where I could troll for free samples for weeks on end.”
“When I thought he was going to make a mall with one continuous, 2,000-mile-long Cinnabon smell cloud spanning form the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific, I was in. But a 2,000 mile wall? That’s, um, like crazy.”
When asked if he would consider building a mall instead of a wall along the border, a Trump spokesman said that anything is on the table, but the new president would “have to ask Vladimir first.”