Kathmandu, Nepal – In another blow to inter-cryptid relations, WereWatchers Nepal reports that a werewolf mountain climber on Everest was assaulted by a Yeti, often referred to as “The Abominable Snowman,” over the weekend.
According to Sherpas on the scene, the altercation occurred after the werewolf, identified as Luca Castillo of Milan, Italy, made repeated unflattering comments about the Yeti’s grooming.
Mssr. Castillo, who is widely known in lycan fashion and style circles for his saucy blog about werewolf hairstyles, is also an ardent mountain climbing enthusiast, notorious for hiring two to three extra people to carry hair products on a climb.
Sherpa Advice: “Let The Yeti Win”
Though rarely discussed due to mockery in the press, yeti sightings by Himalayan climbers are not unheard of.
In general, these cryptids tend to mind their own business, though they have been known to visit camps to steal power bars, beer, or iPads.
Though Sherpa climbers take a page from C3PO in their advice on dealing with yetis: “Don’t mess with yetis. And whatever game it wants to play, let the yeti win.”
Mssr. Castillo was apparently unaware of this advice.
Nepalese police report that his team first spotted the creature near the Khumbu Icefall, where the lycan blogger apparently made a number of heated remarks questioning how the yeti “could let his hair go like that.”
For the next 10,000 feet, his teammates tell WereWatchers that Mssr. Castillo could not stop venting about woeful state of the yeti’s hairstyle. He was quoted as saying:
“I don’t care if you’re at sea level or 28,000 feet, it is the duty of every cryptid have presentable hair.”
Umbrage at 25,000 Feet
They had another sighting near the Lhotse Face, where the yeti was sunning itself.
Despite the team urging him to pass the creature quietly, Castillo apparently was unable to resist the urge to attempt a hair intervention, apparently saying “you may be the abominable snowman but you don’t have to have abominable snow hair.”
There is no evidence that the yeti actually understood the words Castillo said, but his teammates believe that his flamboyant gesticulating got the point across, given that the creature grabbed Mssr. Castillo and threw him off of the face of the mountain all the way down to base camp.
“Usually the descent takes several days,” the police spokesman told WereWatchers. “For Mr. Hair Police, it took about 45 seconds.”
Police say that Mr. Castillo remarkably survived the experience of being used for cyptid shot put practice, and recovering in a Kathmandu hospital, where he remains unapologetic about his comments.
“I suppose abominable snowpeople are just not ready to be as fashion forward as werewolves. Their loss.”