U.S. Open Finds Fault With Werewolves Fetching Balls During Matches

Flushing Meadows, Queens – With the 2014 U.S. Open now in full swing, there has been much discussion about how much spectator participation should be tolerated at the prestigious tennis tournament held each year in the Queens borough of New York City.

Opinions vary. Some players like  Novak Djokovic encourages the crowd to get noiser, while other players would prefer that the fans at the U.S. Open shut up.

There is little debate, however, regarding one type of audience participation that has reared its ugly head at this year’s tennis tournament: lycan spectators chasing tennis balls around the court during matches.


Most Find Ball-Fetching Not So Fetching

WereWatchers - News - U.S. Open Game - w wolf
Werewolf attempts to grab ball during Murray – Tsonga match on Monday

The USTA has taken advantage of live T.V.’s tape delay to edit out the incidents, making this form of werewolf mischief largely unknown to the general public, but fans at USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center have become all too familiar with these incidents.

As one tennis fan tells WereWatchers, “It’s kind of surreal. Everyone’s trying to be all quiet and non-distracting during the match. Then some genius lycanthrope runs out on the court to chase and fetch a tennis ball mid-volley.”

“Sometimes the werewolf will drop the ball in front of the umpire, expecting them to throw it, or there’s a tug-of-war between the werewolf and a ball boy. You can guess how that goes.”

In one incident, Serena Williams allegedly used her forehand to clock a werewolf trying to grab a ball during a volley, which proved enough of a deterrent for the werewolf to return to its seat.

Many point to these awkward incidents as yet more proof of an increase in werewolf mischief has been on the upswing in New York City since Mayor Bill de Blasio took office earlier in the year.

A Plea for Understanding

WereWatchers - News - U.S. Open - No Fetching Warning Sign - small
New warning sign posted at entrance to U.S. Open on Wednesday

Others paint a more sympathetic picture, feeling that the werewolf tennis fans are simply responding to a deep-seated instincts.

Dr. Jack Kunene of the Lycan Behavioral Science Institute, who happened to be attending the U.S. Open this year, explains: “Many people think of werewolf instincts as being all about the savage desire to go out and prowl upon other humans, which is unfair… Okay, mostly unfair. Anyway, these are complex beings with a wide variety of instincts and feelings, including the deeply engrained impulse to fetch a swiftly moving object, such as a tennis ball.”

“So instead of people expressing such harsh words toward our lycan brothers. They should be more understanding. The werewolves cannot help it.”

Despite such sentiment, the U.S. Open has started to take a harder line with werewolves.

“If de Blasio won’t do something, we will,” said one official. “We may even go the shock collar route if we have to.”

Dr. Kunene said he was shocked by such insensitivity.

“Why such harshness? Really, it’s just a game… Except in the case of Roger Federer. I have down money with my bookie on him.”