Top 5 Lame Excuses Why Werewolves Won’t Vote On Tuesday

Washington, D.C. – It’s an American political tradition. Every four years, roughly 55% of eligible voters in the U.S. go to the polls on the first Tuesday in November to vote for the next President of the United States, while the other 45% spend the day coming up with excuses for why they didn’t. And in this latter category, werewolves are at the forefront of coming up with unimpressive excuses for why they had something better to do instead of help choose the leader of the free world.

And it appears that Election Day 2016 will likely be more of the same.

“You’ve heard of a movie called An American Werewolf In London. But you’ll never, ever hear of a movie called An American Werewolf In A Voting Booth,” explained a political scientist to WereWatchers. “They avoid voting like the plague. It’s as if they are afraid the polling station has cooties or something.”

Poll Dancing, Werewolf Style

In the most recent WereWatchers/BBC/LOL poll, when asked what they plan to do on election day, only 12% of eligible werewolf voters responded that they plan to vote. However, that number plummeted to less than 3% when we specified not to include voting on The Voice.

So we decided to delve into the were-zeitgeist and see what was behind this aversion to civic participation. Here’s what our survey came up

Top 5 Lame Excuses Why Werewolves Won’t Vote In U.S. Presidential Election

  1. “I have a hair appointment scheduled on the first Tuesday every November. Can’t believe they won’t reschedule the election?”
  2. “It’s totally unfair that they’ll only let you vote for Trump once. The system is clearly rigged.”
  3. “I’m afraid that the polling station has cooties.”
  4. “I’m afraid my claw will punch through the ballot and it will accidentally be counted as a vote for Gary Johnson.”
  5. “There’s an election?”