Deciding to do an extreme were-hair trim can be amazing. There’s something liberating about shaving off all your fur. It’s as if you’re shearing off all the anxieties that come with being a werewolf. It’s a clean start. Like being bitten and turned into a virgin lycanthrope all over again.
But back to what really matters: your hair. Summer takes its toll on were-hair. Bristly scalp, itchy skin, extreme w.b.o. (were-body odor) from all the extra sweat, not to mention the sky high hair product bills.
Not For Every Lycan
Before you go busting out the clippers, realize not every werewolf can rock the “Were-Chihuahua” look.
Next full moon, check yourself out in a store window or other shiny surface and ask yourself, should the distinct curves of your lupine shaped were-head ever see the light of the full moon, or is it better to keep a little extra fur as camouflage? Be honest with yourself. Remember, the last thing you want to do is look like an actual Chihuahua. Even your wimpiest prey with laugh at you, and you’re dating starship will crash and burn.
And let’s be clear for all you lycan Professor Charles Xavier’s out there: this advice is not about pre-emptive strikes, it’s about looking good for that lycan beach party you have coming up.
So if you pass those tests, keep reading. We have the official WereWatchers Hair Advice for going Were-Chihuahua.
WereWatchers Tips for Pulling Off The Were-Chihuahua Hairstyle*
- Fade that Fur – Even with a shaved head, you want it shorter on the sides than on the top. Make sure the barber does the sides with some style, else you will look like The DORK Knight.
- Talk in Numbers – None of that “Little off the back, and maybe slightly more on the sides, but not too much…” Just stick to numbers, like #2 or #3 guard on top and around your were-ears, then #1 or #2 on the sides.
- Wait for the Wane – Wait until the Waning Gibbous moon to get the cut. (And if you don’t know what “Waning Gibbous” is, either you are not really a werewolf or you’re a special breed of lycanthrope called a Were-Dumbass.
- MoonScreen – And now that you are going to be running around under the full moon sans fur, be sure to put on some MoonScreen. Don’t skimp. We’re talking SPF50 and up.
*Not intended for use with unattractive lycans.