Study: Werewolf Marriages 88% Less Likely to End in Divorce

According to a study conducted by a team of relationship experts and psychologists at the University of American Independence in Bozeman, MT, marriages in which one or both participants is a werewolf are 88% less likely to end in divorce. This is due to a number of factors, both social and scientific.

Prof. Edith Provenza, the lead investigator in the study, believes the conclusions of the study could be a breakthrough in understanding why certain relationships work and others don’t. She believes that werewolf relationships work out often enough that they can be used as controls in any further investigations into the dynamics of successful relationships. They’re potentially such a sure thing that we’ll soon be comparing all failed relationships to those with werewolves involved.

Prof. Provenza believes a number of factors are at play: “It seems that the enhanced senses that come with being a werewolf turn husbands and wives into more perceptive, intuitive mates. They can immediately sense changes in each other’s moods or desires and react swiftly. If a werewolf’s girlfriend becomes hungry, he might know before she even does and he can grab some food for her. Everyone wins.”

Another positive aspect of werewolf relationships is the safety and security brought on by knowing your mate possesses superhuman strength and agility, according to Provenza. “If your significant other were impervious to any attack, it would make planning for the future a lot easier, and make day to day life a lot less scary.” According to the study, 64% of people in a relationship with a werewolf ultimately decide to become werewolves themselves.

Critics of the study have called into question the legitimacy of the study, citing the fact that UAI is an unaccredited institution and the fact that details on Provenza’s academic background are hard to come by.

Critics have also accused the researchers of ignoring the lack of perspective in the conclusions. According to editors at the Journal of Zoology, there are issues beyond the fact that the study deals with creatures not formally recognized by the scientific community as being real. For one, a werewolf’s mate feeling ‘safer’ because of their partner’s powers could just as easily be the non-were partner being afraid of the repercussions of leaving the relationship. Similarly, it’s possible to look at the number of partners who agree to join their mates as werewolves and see them as victims.

Provenza dismisses these claims, saying that the number of additional benefits far outweighs any vague doubts about dating a werewolf, like the money saved on unneeded health insurance or the self-sufficiency one develops in procuring food.