Cupertino, California – The internet is abuzz with rumors about the presumed release of the iPhone 6 in September, but now we are seeing rumor blogs with titles like Apple To Release Werewolf-Friendly iPhone 6W — a smartphone that, finally, would meet the tough demands of a werewolf lifestyle.
“Some Guy Shot My iPhone” Excuse Wears Thin
With thick, razor-sharp claws, the werewolf hand is simply not meant for smartphone use. At best, the average lycan smartphone user carves enough scratches into their gorilla glass to make the phone unusable, but just as commonly, a simple finger touch to answer a late night call ends up poking a hole straight through the phone. Werewolf tech blogs are littered with images of smartphones sporting what looks like a bullet hole.
“The geniuses at the Genius Bar bought my ‘somebody shot my iPhone’ excuse the first few times I brought it in,” a werewolf blogger from Dallas told us. “But even in Texas, there are just so many times somebody will believe that stray bullets took out your iOS device.”
“Apple is always talking about accessibility. It’s about time Apple makes a phone that is werewolf-friendly.”
Readers who are members of the Lycans In Tech Meetup Group echo the sentiment.
As one member put it, “They may have tested the Gorilla Glass on gorillas, but definitely not on werewolves.””
Enter The iPhone 6W
And someone in Cupertino is listening apparently. WereWatchers has obtained a recent patent application submitted by Apple for a new “Snout ID” technology that allows werewolves to access their smartphone with a single touch of their snout to the phone, completely claws-free.
“This could be revolutionary,” one lycan analyst in Silicon Valley told us. “It’s like the Declaration of Independence for werewolves who need to keep in touch with clients while out on a full moon prowl.”
Apple’s branding of the product is still not official, but insiders believe that they will designate the large-screen, lycan-accessible version of the new iPhone as the iPhone 6W.
“They have to differentiate,” the analyst told WereWatchers. “Like when the high-brow Apple differentiated the cheaper iPhone 5C, with C for Commoner, which made it easier for normal fancy-pants Apple owners to know to stay away from it.
Going for Gold
It goes without saying that for most werewolves, in addition to keeping in touch, the most important aspect of the smartphone is as fashion accessory, so the big question in the were-tech community is all focused on, you guessed it, the color.
And based on overwhelming feedback from readers, it looks like Apple would be foolish not to release a gold version of the iPhone 6W.
Another analyst told WereWatchers:
“As you know, lycans are all about the glam. So gold is likely to be the big seller. Some will go for white. Black doesn’t make much sense given how easy it is to lose even with the full moon.”
“And it’s fair to say, silver is definitely out.”