New York, New York – Werewolf classical music lovers received yet another blow this week when the Metropolitan Museum of Art announced a ban werewolves from all concerts and musical performances.
The announcement on Friday stated that “patrons of a werewolf persuasion” would not be welcome at any Met performances, including classical music performances. The statement notes a history of poor behavior by lycanthrope music lovers at classical musical performances around New York, which similarly led Carnegie Hall to ban werewolves last year.
“It really is a shame,” one insider at the Met told WereWatchers. “Werewolves make for incredibly loyal and enthusiastic classical music patrons. I kind of miss that puppy-dog-like excitement they had.”
“But, Jesus Christ, why can’t they stop the damn howling during concerts? The concert hall started feeling like a giant dog kennel with muzak.”
Arvo Goes Agro
Many believe the timing of the ban stems from the Met’s upcoming performance celebrating Estonian Composer Arvo Pärt.
“They aren’t taking any chances, after those werewolves got out of hand at Arvo’s Carnegie Hall show in September of last year,” the insider told us.
A recent front page article in the Estonian press quoted Pärt, who allegedly threatened to “pop a cap in some werewolf ass” if his music is ever interrupted by lycanthropes again.
“He didn’t find it funny,” the article explained.
Freedom To Howl?
As expected, werewolf classical music lovers did not take the news well.
“I’m crestfallen, to say the least. After the slap in the face by Carnegie Hall last year,” one told WereWatchers.
“We’re music lovers like everyone else. We just express it in a different way.”