Brooklyn, New York – WereWatchers has become known as the mecca for werewolf hair advice, but you may have noticed that we don’t talk much about facial hair. And there’s a reason for that:
Facial hair looks bad on lycanthropes. As in very, very, very bad.
“Any werewolf who has tried to grow a little man-stubble has learned this fact the hard way,” werewolf hair stylist Lycania Smith of Los Angeles told WereWatchers. “Think about it, if you’re a werewolf, you already have enough hair. So growing a chia pet on your face just doesn’t make sense.”
But one group within the werewolf community is feeling pressure to go against lycanthrope’s deeply engrained need to look good: hipster werewolves.
Hipster Haters Heckle Holdouts
Lycan hipsters throughout North America, Europe, and Japan complain to WereWatchers that their non-lycan friends are giving them flack for not embracing beards which have become de rigueur among the too-cool-for-school set from Portland to Bushwick to Shoreditch to Kreuzberg.
“Hipsters really respect chill-ness. Therefore, I generally don’t tell my non-werewolf friends that I become a man-eating apex predator every full moon. So they certainly don’t understand when I tell them that I already have more hair than I know what to do with,” one frustrated lycan told WereWatchers
“Why would I get a beard? It looks bad enough on non-lycans,” an anonymous hipster lycan working at a farmer’s market in Portland told us.
“Don’t these guys realize that they look like Santa Claus’ illegitimate lumberjack son?”
Others in the werewolf community are taking notice of the pressure, creating Public Service Announcements, letting hipster werewolves know that it is okay not to rock the beard, and that as a matter of fact, it’s kind of better.
Post-Prowl Food In Beard = T.M.I.
And from a practical perspective, most werewolves tell the WereWatchers Haircare editors that beards just don’t fit the lycanthrope lifestyle very well.
As a hipster werewolf in the Shimokitazawa area of Tokyo explained to us:
“Here in Japan people are generally cool with eating raw meat. But I learned there are limits to that… When I came into work one morning after a full moon without realizing that pieces of, er, the previous night’s dinner, were still in my beard. After that, I’ve gone clean-shaven.”