Denver, Colorado – Fireworks are synonymous with our celebration of Independence Day. And as the July 4 holiday approaches, America’s firefighters brace themselves for what has become an annual public safety: festive werewolves misbehaving with fireworks.
“Hey, I get it, fireworks are all sparkly and loud and fun and all,” said Robert Shelby of the Denver Fire Department.
“But that doesn’t mean you should put them in your mouth.”
Fireworks-nibbling is among the many ill-conceived uses of fireworks that werewolves have been known to engage in while celebrating Independence Day. A few years ago, the FBI stopped trying to classify the different types of misbehavior and now simply classifies these incidents as “fireworks-related werewolf mischief.”
And apparently, it’s a very, very big file.
Blame The Fireworks
“I don’t know what gets into us,” said one anonymous werewolf blogger, MrOnePaw.
“We always tell ourselves that we’re going just to watch the July 4th fireworks display, but then somebody pulls out some fireworks, and well, it goes down hill from there.”
To mitigate the problem, national firefighting organizations have worked with National Park Service officials to post signs warning both lycanthrope and non-lycanthropes of the dangers posed by fireworks-related werewolf mischief.
We shall see how effective they are this coming July 4th…