Athens, Greece – Female werewolves around the globe have been aflutter since the new anti-austerity government in Greece took over and unleashed their charismatic new Finance Minister, Yanis Varoufakis. Varoufakis has been touring Europe in an effort to convince the EU to rethink the current debt repayment program for Greece. With his rakish good looks and casual fashion sensibilities, the former economics professor has become a heartthrob among lycanthropes of the female persuasion.
“For obvious reasons, us girl werewolves tend to go for hirsute, a.k.a. hairy, guys. But that hunky cauldron of male-pattern baldness has somehow swept us all off our feet,” proclaims online mag Lycan Lady, in their cover story Who Knew Greece Was Still Making Gods?
Readers reportedly even skipped this past weekend’s opening of the movie Fifty Shades of Grey in order to watch news coverage about Greek bailout talks, in hope of catching a glimpse of “their Yanis.”
Stand By Your Greek Finance Minister
The EU bailout came after years of rampant overspending and government mismanagement, leaving many in Europe with little appetite to reconsider the terms. But female werewolves appear more forgiving. Much, much more forgiving.
“Yanis can default on my loans anytime,” one blogger wrote. Referring to the pro-austerity German leader, the blogger then complained, “that no good vixen Angela is just jealous of how sexy Yanis is. It’s shameful.”
Many in the community are calling for lady werewolves to put their money where their fangs are. Greek treasury officials report receiving a flood of packages labelled “Save Yanis” containing checks, love notes, and, in some cases, female lycanthrope undergarments.
One unnamed official described the love letters as “very, very, very suggestive,” with lines like: “My Dearest Yanis, please, please let me satisfy all of your fiscal needs.”
The official proceeded to say, “Hey, we’re Greece. The home of toga parties. But even for us this shit is kinky and weird.”
Some female werewolves are even calling for Greeks to ignore EU threats and re-embrace a Greek currency, with one small catch. They propose that the new currency be called the Γιάν-δραχμή, or Yan-Drachma. Greek officials refused to comment on the proposal, except to say that they were open to buying some new printing presses on credit if need-be.
Will Lady Lycans Win Yanis’ Heart?
The fact that the finance minister is already happily married to artist Danae Stratou does little to dissuade Vanoufakis’ ever-growing base of lycan sycophants.
“Oh, that’s just a phase,” said one werewolf fan, then added, in an oddly familiar wording, “I’m ready and willing to do whatever it takes to win my Yanis’ heart.”