New York, New York – It’s that time of year again, when young werewolves have to move on from lazy summer evenings of roaming around as a supernatural apex predator and go back to hitting the books. And while getting good grades is supposedly why one goes to school, let’s face it: for werewolves, it’s all about looking good.
So we polled a select group of werewolf fashionistas on how to be the hottest lycan on campus. Here’s what they had to say:
#1 Hair: Go Big Or Go Home
The old lycan style mantra “before you wear, fix that hair” still holds true. Those we spoke with urged students to plan out their were-hair styles for the whole semester.
“It’s like planning what courses to take, but, like waaaay more important,” one fashion blogger told WereWatchers. “You never know what third-rate hair gel your college bookstore might have, so it’s better to know what kind of fancy hair gel you’ll need and stock up in advance.”
As for what look to go for, the style pro was adamant.
“Bigger the better,” she told us. “Were-Hair styles is an arms race. Survival of the boldest. If you have you’re hair too…you know, tasteful, no one will notice you.”
#2 Jeans: The Flair of Flare
A major returning this fall will be ’70s and ’90s era denim, like high waist bottoms and crop tops.
“Yeah, it probably is a sign of the apocalypse, but a trend is a trend, like it or not,” explains another lycan style consultant. “At least you can comfort yourself knowing that each full moon you’ll automatically be ripping those hideous garments to shreds.”
#3 Totes: Why Leave Any Belonging At Home, When You Can Carry It?
If you’re a werewolf on the go, and going crazy with after-school plans, opt-out of those boring old backpacks and opt-in to the hernia-inducing world of oversized totes.
“Backpacks are bourgeois, frankly,” says a fashion writer in Paris. “And face it, life sucks already for a werewolf carrying anything on the night of the full moon, so you may as well carry everything you might possibly need for any occasion, all in one unnecessarily large bag.”
#4 Shoes: Killer Kicks
Just when you thought you had covered every possible inch of your body with leopard skin, here comes patterned footwear.
One style adviser had a smart reminder:
“Be brave, young ones. Some naysayers may call neon flower patterns on 7” inch platform shoes tacky. But remember, as a werewolf, you can not only make them eat their words. You can eat them too. Just saying…”